I feel like I should start by admitting that it feels weird to talk about my relationship status in such a public way. It's no secret that I'm single, nor am I ashamed to say so, but it's still an interesting thing to be talking about on the Choctawk.
So, I'm single, I've been single for my whole life, and as Valentine's Day approaches, culture seems to think that that's something I should be ashamed of. Really, I feel like it's something that culture is always telling me to be ashamed of, but Valentine's Day seems to make those messages louder. Here's the thing though: I'm not ashamed, and if you're like me, and you've never dated before or you've been single for long time, you shouldn't be ashamed either.
It's really easy to believe the lies that surround us, especially the lies that can surround our relationship status. In my 22 years, and going, of singleness, I've dealt with all the lies that our world can throw at us. Today, as Valentine's Day and its messages of discontentment come our way, I'm going to walk us through the most common lies we can be believe about being single.
You're Not Worthy, You're not Enough
This is a big one, and I think that every lie that follows this one stems from this overall belief. When no one has "chosen" to date us, it's easy to believe that we're not worthy of being chosen. It's easy to think that who we are isn't enough for someone else. But, it is. Who you are in Christ is enough. The God of the universe has chosen to love you, and that fact in itself makes you worthy of another person's love.
There's Something Wrong with You
Who hasn't had this thought cross their mind? We all see the weirdest sides of ourselves, so it's easy to think that we're too weird/introverted/extroverted/ loud/whatever else for someone to spend the rest of their life with. I used to think that if I could just control *insert self-quality that I didn't like* then a guy would want to date me. Turns out, that doesn't work. No one is perfect, friends, and if someone expects you to be perfect before they'll date you, they're not worth your time.
You're Not Complete
I hear this all the time, especially in Christian settings. A lot of people believe that their lives won't begin until they get married or find "the one." People think that they won't reach their full potential until they have a spouse. Christian culture often tells us that we're "less than" if we're not married. Update: Your life is just as real and full and important now as it will be if you ever get married. God can use you just as much now (if not more-- check out 1 Corinthians 7) as He can when you're married. You can enjoy life as a single person just as much as you could if you're married. In reality, a spouse will never complete you, only God can do that. Enjoy the fullness of who He is, and who you are in Him, and it'll bring you more joy than any relationship ever could.
It's the Way You Look
* Christina Aguilera's "You are Beautiful" plays in the background*
If I'm being really vulnerable, this is probably the heaviest lie that I believe. I've considered just about every part of my appearance that could be the reason that I'm single. I used to think that I was single because of my hair. I've convinced myself that, because I've never dated, it must mean that I'm ugly. Thankfully, Jesus has healed that part of me, but I'd be lying if I don't find myself wandering down that familiar thought process sometimes. We were all designed by the same Creator who paints the sunset every night. He has called us beautiful and beloved. We may not be everyone's "type" but that doesn't mean that we are any less beautiful than the next person. (Note: Culture's definition of beauty is not everyone's definition of beauty.)
It's Punishment for Your Past
Romans 8v1 tells us that there is no condemnation for those in Christ. The way your life looks now is not punishment for doing whatever you did when you were younger, be it a porn addiction, pre-marital sex, or anything else. When you're in Christ, you're forgiven. I promise you, your Heavenly Father is not punishing you for anything that you've done. Christ died to set us free from our sins, even if we haven't fully embraced that freedom and even if you're still living in that sin. Fear not, friend, you have been forgiven.
I'm sure that this list of lies doesn't cover all of them, but when I asked a handful of my friends (both guys and girls) all the lies we hear were some variation of the ones I discussed. In the end, that just proves that the Liar isn't creative. These lies are just lies and nothing else, and I hope that on Valentine's Day, and on everyday, we can all believe that. If you really struggle with these lies, go to the Scriptures for truth and maybe consider talking to a counselor.
Being single is a gift, and learning to embrace it as such has made my life a lot more fun. There's no promise that you'll ever get married, so I'd suggest enjoying your singleness now to save yourself some pain later. Don't listen to the lies-- love yourself and love your life, whether you're single or not.
If you want to read more of my thoughts on singleness, click here and head over to my personal blog.
Here's to being single, friends.
Strong independent woman who doesn't need a man